


Primadonna

by battoff



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Autistic Jake Dillinger, Disabled Jake Dillinger, F/F, F/M, Multi, Other, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Jeremy Heere, accidental misgendering, im adding the tags as I write this, jenna isnt out yet whoops, this work references Halloween because Chloe is kinda an integral part of this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-02-02 19:59:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12733293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/battoff/pseuds/battoff
Summary: The swinging pendulum of what Jeremy’s gender identity could possibly be.





	1. Vert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A green skater dress shouldn’t provoke such a reaction from him, just sitting there on his floor. It shouldn’t scream at him or call his name or beg for him to put it on. It’s a dress. It’s not even his own dress. But that’s silly. Why would_ he _, Jeremiah Heere, own a dress? It’s a ludicrous thought ~~even if the idea does burn excitement in his heart~~._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck is dead but the pesterlogs are an aesthetically pleasing way of writing text messages while also being able to differentiate the types of text. The code is still annoying, though. 
> 
> Anyways, have some Jeremy going on a fucking journey to figure out gender stuffs. ~~Not to mention it’s a way for me to practice long pieces of writing.~~

Jeremy’s hands tremble as he grabs some clothes piling up on his bedroom floor. Something in particular catches his eye. The piece is too fashionable and distinctly feminine to be his. It’s a simple skater dress he can trace back to Christine. It has some patches badly stitched onto it from a slumber party with Michael. He traces them before picking up his phone and snapping a photo.

\-- jsauceHeere [JH] began pestering cyanicCarnival [CC] at 20:12 --

_jsauceHeere sent an image_

JH: Hi Christine! Just wanted to let you know that you left some clothes at my house.   
CC: so that’s where that was   
CC: okay   
CC: thanks for telling me sweetums <3  
CC: if it’s not too much trouble can you bring it to school tomorrow and give it to me at lunch or play rehearsal?   
JH: Yeah! I don’t mind. I’ll make sure to wash it before giving it back to you. Who knows how long it’s been here.   
CC: oh honey you don’t have to do that   
CC: I’m sure it’ll be fine   
JH: If you’re absolutely sure then okay. I trust your judgement.   
JH: I gotta go shower and get ready for bed. Bye Chris! <3  
CC: bye cupcake! <3

\-- jsauceHeere [JH] stopped pestering cyanicCarnival [CC] at 20:20 --

He folds the dress up, placing it on his bedside table. Not sparing it a second glance, he grabs his stuff and heads to the bathroom.

...

His alarm blares into his left ear, an effective wake up call. As he moves to slam the off button he accidentally hits soft fabric. He pulls his hand away like he’s been burned but his face is already turning red. Temptation gnaws at him as he stares at the dress. Blue eyes flutter around the room as he grabs it, not unlike performing a crime, and quickly changes into it.

There’s a full length mirror leaning against his wall, still covered near constantly to mourn his mother (a fact that roused ~~laughter~~ a scolding lecture from his dad). He pulls the sheet back to stare at his reflection. The dress is hilariously short, something Jeremy didn’t consider when first deciding to try on his _five foot five_ girlfriend’s clothes. It barely covers his butt or boxers which irks him a lot but he ignores it in favor of admiring the way the fabric makes him look pretty.

It’s a nice shade of green that leaves some of the red patches standing stark against it. He likes it, though. Likes the way it feels against his skin. Likes the way the dark fabric looks against his pale complexion. Likes the way it makes him _feel_ pretty.

A car horn honks from the front of his house, making him jump out of his skin. Checking the time on the clock, he curses as he rushes to put on his jeans and cardigan. He doesn’t even realize his mistake until he’s sat in Michael’s PT Cruiser like he is every morning before school. He tucks in the hem and buttons his cardigan without another word.

…

Christine’s eyes burn holes into him as he attempts to recite some lines. She’s been staring at him since she first saw him in passing during the school day. She has him so flustered he stumbles over his words throughout the entirety of play rehearsal. As Mr. Reyes critiques his acting his mind is a jumbled mess. Everything said to him goes through one ear and out the other.

He doesn’t actually get to talk to her until they’re at her house. She tosses here keys in a bowl by the door. Leaning against the stairs, she calls out, “Baba? Appa?” Her eyebrows furrow in concentration. Then, as if for added measure, “Maji?” Once there’s complete silence for a solid five minutes she pulls him into a kiss. “ _God_ , you’re so distracting.”

“Am I?” His voice is pitched high and cracks.

“ _Yes_.” She kisses him again before he can let out another pathetic excuse for small talk. “You should wear my clothes more often.” She’s probably joking, he reasons, but he can’t help the giddy feeling rising in him as she leads him to her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I’m battoff, I’m [age], and I never learned how to fucking unappreciate Jeremy and Christine dating. 
> 
> I love stagedorks it’s such a cute ship, okay? And it’s me so be ready for me to cross ships like I’m a nearsighted pirate with an armada. This just in: I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence please stop me. 
> 
> But, yeah, Christine has two dads, one is Chinese (her Baba) and the other one is Korean (her Appa), _and_ a surrogate mom who’s basically like her aunt (her Maji). And, for those who don’t know, in Jewish customs you have to cover your mirrors for seven days while in mourning. That’s what Jeremy is referring to in the beginning of the chapter. His mother is alive he just hates her so much she’s dead to him. Bitter much? Bitter _yes_. 
> 
> I’m thinking of doing scheduled updates? Probably? Most likely. Tell me what day to do it and we’ll be good.


	2. A Cerulean Identity Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Jeremy stares at the clothes like they’re a three-headed dog about to gobble him up. Although, dogs just remind him of Brooke and Halloween night and her Halloween costume and Halloween night and disappointing her and Halloween night and_ Chloe _and_ Halloween night _and—_
> 
> Wow. _He really needs to stop thinking for a minute. Or maybe forever._

Chloe stares at him from across the small table, Pinkberry cup in hand. His leg can’t possibly bounce faster. “So, let’s cut to the chase. This is awkward. There’s no point in acting like it isn’t.”

“Yeah,” he drags out, face flushing in embarrassment.

Her manicured nails drum against the table. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”

Jeremy can’t quite meet her eyes. She’s too intimidating even if she apologized months ago. He picks at his cuticles which are already bleeding slightly. The internet hadn’t been much help so he hopes maybe Chloe, of all people, can be of assistance. “How did you know you were a girl?”

“Excuse me?” Her voice, too loud, attracts the attention of some of the other patrons. She slouches back in her seat, relaxing, picking up the tempo. “I mean, I kinda figured it out young is all.” At his apparent disappointment she takes a bite from her froyo.

“That’s—”

“Not what you were expecting. I know, I know. But it’s the truth. My dad, he comes from a culture where you’re either hypermasculine or hyperfeminine and if you’re anything other than cis then, well—” She deflates. It’s so uncharacteristic of her that Jeremy feels grateful she’s telling him all this. “Anyways, I just didn’t like my body, didn’t like being called a boy, didn’t like shit about myself. So I told my parents. They took me to a therapist. That therapist used some outdated medical terms like transsexual and that really scared the shit outta my dad.” She laughs something flippantly hollow, a hand running through her bangs. “They gave us some pamphlets to read over and that was kinda that for a while. Apparently my dad didn’t sleep for a couple of nights or whatever, came into my room at the asscrack of dawn one day to tell me he loved me I guess. He told me he didn’t care if I was a girl just as long as I didn’t kill myself. Guess he got really fixated on the statistics of it all. But, hey, he was trying. He still is. They both are, my parents.” Chloe takes a deep breath once she finishes, shoving more froyo in her mouth to fill the silence. “Sorry. Kinda went off on you.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you told me.” He looks around the store. The vague idea of leaving crosses his mind.

She beats him to it. “Wanna come over and try on some of my clothes?” He squeaks—honest to God _squeaks_ —out of surprise. Her hand moves to cover her smile. “That sorta helped me. And we’re definitely not the same person and the experience totally varies no matter what anyone says but maybe it’ll help you, too.”

He doesn’t question how she knows he was asking for himself. Doesn’t ask who’s the someone who became anyone. Any query racing through his mind is set aside for the moment. Instead, he just nods furiously, following her to her car.

...

“Are you done, yet?”

She shifts on her bed while he adjusts the black cardigan she threw at him. It has pretty buttons in the shape of daisies. “Um… No…”

“How long does it take to change?” Her hands clap quickly. “C’mon. Hurry up. Chop chop. All the hurrying words.”

“... Okay. Calm down. ‘M done.” As soon as Chloe turns around, a tense, uncomfortable pressure makes itself home on Jeremy’s chest. He fiddles with the waistband of the leggings, also black and snug on him. The baby blue crop top brushes his fingers as he does so. It’s soft, comforting. A low whistle breaks the silence and has his skin burning dark. “Stop—”

“You look good, Miah.”

He almost complains. But then he spots the blush high on her cheeks and decides against it. Instead, he focuses on the giddy feeling forming in his chest, replacing the weight. “You think so?”

“Definitely.” They smile, a pleasant silence blanketing them. Chloe coughs. Jeremy’s gaze falls to the floor. “Keep the clothes.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. _I_ don’t wear them. It’d be a waste if someone didn’t find use for them. In fact,” she pauses. Walking past him, she steps into her closet for several minutes and comes out with an opaque bag. She tosses it at him. “For you, buddy.”

His hands shake with—what? Excitement? Nerves? Nausea? He doesn’t really know what. “I can’t take this from you—”

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” He swallows around a lump forming in his throat. He needs to _leave_. “Hey. Miah look at me.” His gaze rises. She’s sat a good distance away from him like she _knows_. Knows that she can’t be too close to him. Knows she can’t _touch_ him like normal friends do. Are they even friends? He doesn’t dare ask that _now_. “I’m sorry. I won’t push it. Just know that this is always waiting for you if you ever need it.”

She doesn’t actually point to the bag or his newly acquired outfit or herself but Jeremy likes to think she means it all. “I like, uh,” he licks his lips, “I like when you call me Miah.”

“Yeah?” She smiles, oddly soft and exhausted. “Thought it’d be a good idea to shorten your name or something, test it out or whatever.” Her hand does a circular motion, almost waving her actions off. “I can call you that from now on if you’d like.” She looks at him as if she’s nervous about something. Like _the_ Chloe Valentine has _anything_ to be worried about. “Is it? Would you be interested in that?”

His teeth gnaw at his lip. The anxious feeling is drowned out by the lightness in his chest. “Yeah.” It comes out breathless, content. “I’d like that very much.”

“Cool, cool.”

They stay where they are—Chloe on her bed, Jeremy standing by her bureau—with happiness buzzing in their heads at how far they’ve come.

“So,” he drags out, “wanna paint my nails?”

“Fuck yeah. I thought you’d never ask. I’m thinking cerulean—”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I headcanon that Chloe’s dad is Afro-Caribbean and her mom is white and that she’s a trans girl. She mentions in this chapter how her dad was spooked when she first mentioned it and that’s because, from my experience as a Hispanic person, Latinx people are not jamming with the LGBT community for the most part. That’s the reason for that in case any of y’all were wondering. 
> 
> Also, Chloe has apologized to basically everyone but she’s given them space because she understands that they might not want to hang out with her. 
> 
> Another one of my headcanons is that Jeremy has onychotillomania, which is apparently the medical term for nail picking. But yeah, tell me he didn’t suffer all that shit junior year and _didn’t_ take any negative coping mechanisms from it. 
> 
>  
> 
> ~~**NOTE:** If anyone draws Jeremy in the outfit described above I will literally die for you.~~


	3. Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Jeremy—_ no, wait, Miah? _—Miah watches ~~his~~ her world in bright color yet, there’s this muddled dullness in the back of her mind. A grey cloud looming over her, just waiting to become a downpour._

Cerulean nails, already chipping, tap impatiently against the desk. Jeremy— _Miah_ , he—they? she?— _she_ corrects herself with a tiny smile. _Miah_ watches the clock tick off each second so painfully slow it makes her ache. “C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon, go, go. C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon, go, go—!”

As soon as the bell rings she’s out of her seat, zooming past everyone else faster than a rocket. It doesn’t take her long to reach the auditorium. Michael waves at her once she’s gets there. “Jeremy, my buddy, how’s it hanging?”

“Good.” She’s practically chirping with glee.

His eyes drag down her frame, eyebrow cocked. “Is that a new cardigan?”

She blushes but there’s a smile growing on her face. Her hand presses against her cheek in a motion she unapologetically stole from Christine. “Oh, this ol’ thing?”

He snorts at her behavior, probably relieved she isn’t having an off day. “Okay, okay. No need to drag out your pearls, ma’am. See you at the break,” he says before heading over to the group of tech students.

Butterflies fill her stomach when she realizes he called her ma’am. She stands there for a quite a bit with a dopey grin on her face. Mr. Reyes shouts for everyone to grab a seat, breaking Miah out of her trance. She ~~fucking sprints~~ moves down the rows to sit next to Rich and Brooke. “As you all may be aware, we’ve been running late on, well, everything. But, worry not, we have chosen our production for this year.”

“To avoid last year’s tragedy of a performance,” Christine makes direct eye contact with Miah’s entire row, “we are _not_ ,” pointed glare at Mr. Reyes, “I repeat, _not_ going to edit any part of the script.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘A Midsummer Nightmare About Zombies’ was a _tragedy_ —”

“Every single member of the cast was hospitalized.”

A beat.

“Continue.”

“As I was going to say, Mr. Reyes and I have been fighting to be able to do a very special musical.”

A random kid in the rows behind Miah shouts, “Hamilton?”

“Oh, God _no_. What do you think I am? We are putting on Heathers! Some of you may be familiar with the movie this musical is based off of. It’s certainly… interesting. Please consider picking up a script for whichever role you plan on auditioning for. You can try out for as many roles as you would like. Auditions are next Monday. Your scripts will have the sections you need to memorize highlighted. The time is yours. Feel free to ask any of us for assistance.”

Christine jumps down from the stage, an act that causes Jake to flinch, and runs over to her friends. Mr. Reyes can be seen in the background, walking towards the teachers’ staff room for a hot pocket break. She sits on Miah’s lap, extending her legs over the right arm of the chair to poke Brooke with her foot. “Hey.”

“Hey!” Miah beams as she receives a kiss on the cheek. “How did I do?”

“ _Fantastic_.”

Rich gags. “You two are way too into each other.”

“Is that even possible?”

Christine gently knocks her head into his. “Who’re you trying out for, Wazowski?”

“Goranski and I dunno. Who’re _you_ trying out for, Piss?”

“Real mature. At least I didn’t say Vo—”

“Well,” Brooke leans over Christine’s legs to cover her mouth, “ _I’m_ auditioning for Heather McNamara. Maybe Mrs. Sawyer. Who knows?”

“Mysterious,” is the first thing she says when she licks herself free. “I’m auditioning for Heather Duke and Heather Chandler.” There’s a murmur of excitement amongst them as they put their imagining caps on and picture her as either Heather, both ruthless. It drives a shiver down their spines. “What about you, sweetums?”

The question shouldn’t take Miah by surprise. It really shouldn’t. It’s all anyone is going to be talking about during play rehearsal. But it still does. “I, uh, wanna try out for, maybe, probably, kinda, Veronica?” Her voice is weak as she tries to hide behind her girlfriend as nonchalantly as possible.

Jake pipes up. “I can see it. I’m going for J.D. for comedic purposes.”

“Jake, I hate you.”

“Wouldn’t be the first—”

“Honey, who hurt you—?”

“Rich it’s a joke calm down—!”

...

\-- candyViper [CV] began pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 03:33 --

CV: hey   
JH: Yes? You sent this message ten minutes ago. Are you okay?   
CV: forgot blinking includes opening eyes again 

_candyViper sent an[image](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1Lu8GIXXXXXalXpXXq6xXFXXXy/Auburn-Cheap-Wigs-Free-Shipping-New-Style-Medium-Length-Fluffy-Curly-Wigs-Synthetic-Of-Kanekalon-Fiber.jpg)_

JH: Is this a pop culture reference I don’t understand?   
CV: its called a wig u dumby   
CV: *dummy   
JH: That makes even less sense. Why are you even awake at this hour?   
CV: bc   
CV: wigs   
JH: Cryptic.   
CV: ur trying out 4 veronica rite   
CV: rye   
CV: right   
JH: Maybe? I don’t know if Mr. Reyes will let me.   
CV: i will   
CV: beer him in 2 submarine   
CV: *beet **submission   
CV: *beat   
JH: Now don’t do that.   
CV: im fuckinggg   
CV: gonna   
CV: ud make a good veronica miah   
CV: + i spent hashtag time on styling that wig   
JH: Okay, I’ll try. But you need to go to bed, Chloe. It’s a school night and you’re making a questionable amount of typos.   
CV: ok   
CV: hey   
CV: miah sounds like messiah   
JH: ...  
JH: Goodnight Chloe.   
CV: night miah 

\-- candyViper [CV] stopped pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 04:04 --

...

“Are you done, yet?”

“This is giving me major déjà vu.”

“I’m not hearing a yes.”

“Okay, jeez. I’m going.” She adjusts the lace cap so it doesn’t look as awkward. “I think I’m done. How do I look?”

Chloe turns around, flopping back against the mountain of pillows on her bed. Her lips pucker as she takes Miah in. “Sorry, my mom told me not to talk to strangers.”

Miah is taken aback. “Chloe? What, uh, what are you—”

“How do you know my name beautiful stranger?” Her face relaxes as she realizes it’s a joke. “I didn’t know I was in the presence of such elegance—”

“Oh, my God, Chlo—” She pushes Chloe a little as laughter bubbles up. “Shut up!” They fall onto the bed in a fit of giggles. Five minutes pass before they can reel themselves back in. When she turns her head to ask Chloe something she’s met with an unrecognizable expression. Miah’s never seen her make this face. It’s soft but there’s something else to it. “Chlo?”

She seems to snap out of something. Her mouth opens then closes in rapid succession. Her gaze rises to the ceiling, her chest expands as she takes a breath, and suddenly she’s looking at Miah again. A smile, small and uncharacteristic, tugs at her lips. “You’re gonna be a great Veronica, Miah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy pals, I’d love some feedback maybe? No pressure. But, hey, I actually don’t know where to go from here and I really need an idea for a filler chapter so if anyone wants to throw prompts at me just comment or, if you wanna directly shriek into the void, I recently made a discord account ( **dualityofmiah#9514** ). Feel free to message me if you want me to write something specific in here or you want to send me some art (wink wink, nudge nudge ~~please make art for this fic I worked hard _I_ even made art for this~~ ). Bye! 
> 
> **UPDATE:** I made a server on discord just for this work if you want to be a part of it here's the link: https://discord.gg/8taAeKM  
>  Also, let me know if this is a stupid idea. I'll take it down.


	4. White Storm Clouds Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rain falls over Miah’s head as she trudges against strong winds. She can’t help but leave warm familiarity behind as it transforms into red hot uncharted territory. The heat licks her back, tripping her up. Pounding sheets of rain slam into her curled up body._
> 
>  
> 
> _Suddenly, there’s silence. Miah raises her head to spot Christine covering the two of them with a green umbrella._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy comrades. I’m gonna apologize in advance for this chapter. It’s quite awkward and short but I didn’t know how to progress in the story and this is the first draft for this chapter that I haven’t scrapped. To put things in perspective for y’all, I wrote 1200 words for drafts I’ve scrapped and this ended up being 500 words. Anyways, take my bad writing and run for the hills.

Turns out Miah _is_ a very good Veronica Sawyer. So good she gets the part without much deliberation on Mr. Reyes’s part. She’s over the moon ecstatic and so is Michael from how his smile nearly splits his face.

“Dude, that’s wicked! I don’t know much about musicals but Chris has shown me some stuff and you’re gonna be such a great Veronica.”

He starts to babble on about everything from choreography to the technological standpoint in his excitement. It leaves a warm feeling in Miah’s chest as she watches his lips form words. His eyes, bright and happy, follow his hands wherever they go. She nods along, an unnervingly strong urge to pull him into a kiss tugging at her.

...

Christine’s eyebrows furrow in concern at her girlfriend’s obvious distress. “What’s wrong sweetums? Did something happen? Please talk to me.”

“I—” A dry sob breaks Miah’s voice. “I’m awful—”

“Oh, no you’re not—”

“Yes, I am.” She curls in on herself, hugging her knees to her chest. Maybe, if she doesn’t look, she can make herself so small she’ll shrink out of this plane of existence. Christine’s hand runs through her hair, a grounding motion that calms her some.

“Can you at least tell me why you think that?”

She’s silent for a minute. Then she raises her head slightly, her bottom lip wobbling. “I think I like Michael.”

“That’s okay.” The hand in her hair drops to cup her cheek. A terrible dread nips at her.

“How is that okay?”

Christine leans in to kiss her forehead. The chasteness of it has her heart fluttering. “Jeremy, do you still like me? Be honest. I won’t be mad.”

Miah pulls back to look at her girlfriend. At how tender her expression is even now. At her trembling hand just stood there with nothing to hold. At the love, the fear, the acceptance she’s practically exuding. There’s a honeyed look in Miah’s eyes, she’s sure of it. “God, I _love_ you, Christine.”

Shock is written on both their features as the weight of her words settles. Christine lips turn up in a dopey grin. “I love you, too, Jeremy.” She clears her throat. “But, uh, if you like Michael, too, that’s fine. I don’t mind if you’re polyamorous.”

“Polyamorous,” Miah says, slow like she’s testing it. She meets her girlfriend’s gaze. “I’m polyamorous.” Almost as soon as a smile slips onto her face it slides off. “But Michael, he doesn’t— he’s _gay_.” Her head falls into her hands, a distressed noise following.

“And that’s a problem how?”

She springs back in her seat to stare Christine down. “I’m a _girl_.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah, that is a problem. He’s very gay.” Christine rubs her chin in thought. “Have you considered telling him you’re a girl over text? That way you can gauge his reaction before confessing.”

At that thought Miah’s phone burns her pocket. “Yeah, I guess I could do that.”

Christine grabs her hand. “Take your time, though. There’s no need to rush perfection.”

“I’m not rushing perfection. I’m rushing myself.”

“I see no difference.”

She wants to argue with Christine but she can’t help melting into the kiss she’s given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what I love more than ply ships? _**Overlapping ply ships.**_ Y’all are gonna get a lot of those soon. Also, heads up, for the next chapter it’s gonna be following Michael and mainly chat based just so I don’t hand y’all a 500 word chapter again.


	5. A Blood Orange Identity Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \-- nicdicPic [NP] began pestering mtnMunchies [MM] at 23:11 --
> 
> NP: micky   
>  NP: yo fucko   
>  NP: y is a rando jack txtng me   
>  MM: sorry nic i used you as a fake example for a real-time problem i’m having   
>  MM: also i think you mean jake   
>  NP: i donut gve a fuk   
>  NP: txt jak 2 stop txtng me   
>  MM: will do captain   
> 
> 
> \-- nicdicPic [NP] stopped pestering mtnMunchies [MM] at 23:20 --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter summary will make more sense after reading the chapter. I had to give Nicole the good characterization and friendship with Michael she deserves.

\-- jsauceHeere [JH] began pestering mtnMunchies [MM] at 01:45 --

JH: Hey. You awake?   
MM: yeet   
JH: Shit.   
MM: ???   
JH: Sorry. I just wasn’t expecting you to actually be awake at this hour.   
MM: sorry?   
MM: is there something you wanted to talk about   
JH: Yeah. I wanted to tell you a thing.   
MM: a thing   
JH: Yes.   
JH: I’m a girl.   
MM: oh   
JH: Yeah.   
MM: is that all   
JH: Uh, yeah?   
MM: okay   
MM: cool   
MM: look   
MM: i was actually playing a game   
MM: it’s paused rn but i’d like to get back to it   
JH: Oh.   
JH: Okay. Bye.   
MM: later   


\-- jsauceHeere [JH] stopped pestering mtnMunchies [MM] at 02:15 --

The texts practically burn Michael’s corneas as he stares them down while contemplating whether he should fight himself. The entire conversation went down _hours ago_ but it has been stuck on his mind all this time. 

He groans, falling back into his beanbag. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” 

His decisions physically pain him. How could he possibly be so rude and insensitive? The temptation to smother himself in his beanbag is there. He can’t do that, though. No. He has to face his problems. He grabs his phone as opens a conversation. 

\-- mtnMunchies [MM] began pestering jekyllhydeDont [JD] at 04:20 --

MM: yo jakey you up   
JD: Me? Asleep at an appropriate time?   
JD: I thought you knew me, Mikey   
JD: I thought we had something special   
MM: jesus   
MM: drama has not helped you my dude   
JD: So I’ve been told   
JD: Anyways   
JD: What’d you wanna talk about?   
JD: Oh! Do you finally have those pot brownies you promised me?   
MM: no   
MM: you need to stop asking me for those   
JD: :’(   
JD: What less important thing do you wanna talk about?   
MM: i’m gay right   
JD: Old news but yes   
MM: but there’s this girl   
JD: Fake news   
MM: shut up i’m being serious   
JD: So am I   
JD: Yet, you intrigue me   
JD: Tell me more   
MM: well   
MM: she’s a friend of mine   
JD: Do I know her?   


_mtnMunchies sent an[image](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/022/940/spongebobicon.jpg)_

MM: Do i KnOw heR   
MM: of course you don’t know her jake   
MM: i wouldn’t bother telling you about her if you knew her   
JD: Fair enough   
JD: What’s her name?   
MM: nicole   
JD: Cute   
MM: back off   
JD: Meowch >:3€   
MM: never message me again   
MM: anyways   
MM: she’s been my friend for a hot minute   
MM: we met online   
JD: Fun   
JD: Not nerve wracking at all   
MM: well   
MM: at first i kinda thought she was a guy   
JD: How do you just accidentally think someone is a guy?   
MM: her username was nicdicpic   
JD: ...  
JD: Continue   
MM: but yeah i didn’t bother to ask b/c she also goes by nic as a nickname   
JD: Heh   
JD: Nicname   
MM: shuddup   
MM: & recently she’s all like   
MM: ‘oh yeah you know i’m a girl right’   
MM: & i’m like   


_mtnMunchies sent an[image](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/022/940/spongebobicon.jpg)_

MM: Oh yEaH you KnOw i’M A gIrl rIghT   
MM: & i ended the convo there   
JD: Michael...  
JD: That’s kinda a dick move   
MM: i know that   
MM: but i don’t know how to fix it when all i can think about is the fact that i   
MM: michael mtnMunchies mell   
MM: gay since the third grade b/c my uncle was & i kept my room straight   
JD: Stop   
MM: have accidentally had a crush on a girl for the past 4 years   
MM: what does this mean jake   
MM: am i not as gay as i thought i was   
MM: am i dick for just assuming she was a dude this entire time   
MM: i’m all discombobulated & shit   
JD: Well   
JD: Are you still attracted to her?   
JD: Do you wanna kiss her and all that jizz?   
MM: ...  
MM: jake,,,   
MM: it’s jazz not jizz   
JD: I’m pretty sure it’s jizz and stop avoiding the question   
MM: i am not avoiding the question   
JD: That sounds like something someone who’s avoiding the question would say   
JD: Do you wanna kiss her? Maybe take her to the prom? Have your moms meet her?   
MM: i mean   
JD: Aha!   
MM: aha nothing you fuck i haven’t even responded   
MM: but the answer’s all of the above   
JD: Then you, my friend, are not gay   
JD: You’re probably bi or pan or straight if you don’t like dudes   
MM: how dare you   
JD: My Bad   
JD: But seriously?   
JD: Dude, sexuality is a trip   
JD: A month ago I was questioning whether I was gay or bisexual or if I just didn’t like girls   
JD: And look at me now   
JD: I’m pan   
JD: Things change   
JD: Figuring out your sexuality takes time and there’s nothing to be ashamed of   
JD: So if you say you’re gay then you’re gay   
JD: If you find out later that you’re not, that’s okay, too   
JD: If you don’t know what the fuck you are   
JD: Well, that’s perfectly fine   
MM: wow   
MM: jake that’s actually super deep?   
MM: wtf the fuck?   
MM: it’s fucking five in the morning and you’re over here breaking norms   
JD: What can I say?   
JD: I get super heated about the fluidity of sexuality and gender   
MM: you know if someone told me freshman year that popular sex guy jake dillinger would be giving me a lecture about sexuality i’d probably ask them to share the weed they were smoking   
JD: Popular sex guy Jake Dillinger   
JD: Is that seriously how you knew me?   
MM: real talk   
MM: i didn’t know your name for the first 3 years of you being in new jersey   
JD: Are you serious?   
MM: my dude   
MM: i’m sorry but yeah   
MM: i kinda just knew you as hot fukboi   
JD: I don’t know whether I should take that as a compliment because you called me hot or an insult since you thought I was a “fukboi”   
MM: ;)   
JD: ;)   
MM: dude i never even asked but what are you doing awake right now   
JD: Oh, yeah   
JD: I’m at Jenna’s   
JD: Couldn’t sleep so I’m playing my family on Jenna’s laptop   
MM: ???   
JD: Sims   
MM: ah   
JD: Yeah   
JD: Rolo’s a snorer so I used my one pillow to block it out while contemplating whether we would still be friends in the morning and decided to just pull an all-nighter in the living room   
MM: jesus   
JD: I Love Jenna Rolan but I gotta fall asleep first to avoid that Sensory Overload™   
MM: rip   
MM: well i’ll leave you to your sims   
JD: Thanks dude   
JD: Good luck with Nicole   
MM: what   
MM: oh right   
MM: thanks jakey   


\-- mtnMunchies [MM] stopped pestering jekyllhydeDont [JD] at 05:20 --

...

Jeremy is sitting across from him, obviously uncomfortable. It makes him want to punch himself in the face. They shift in their seat as a thick silence blankets the two of them. 

“I, uh, wanted to apologize.” 

“For what?” 

His fingers smooth his brow to soothe his slight frustration. “Don’t be like that. You know I was being a dick earlier. I didn’t know how to handle the situation—which is totally not an excuse by the way—and I sorta pushed you away.” 

“It’s okay—” 

“No, it’s not. Why can’t you tell me how you’re really feeling?” 

“Fine,” they almost shout, shocking them both. Their eyes are comically wide and their mouth is pulled down into a frown. “You want the truth? It hurt, Michael, it really hurt me when you just brushed me off like that. Like I was— like I didn’t even matter! I told you something about myself that put me in a super vulnerable position and you just—” Jeremy bites their lip as tears threaten to fall. 

Michael’s heart drops into his stomach. Leaning forward, he holds his best friend’s face. “Hey, Miah, listen. You will always matter to me. No matter what happens, no matter what you say to me, I will always love you. You’re my favorite person.” 

They let out a watery chuckle, a few tears flicking onto his cheek. Not that he’ll mention it. It’ll just mortify them. “Is it really true?” They press their forehead against his in a motion that’s so intimate it has their faces red. “I’m your favowite person?” 

He smiles at them, all darling and affectionate, because he really does love them. “Yes, you massive furry.” 

“Hey—!” 

“Hush,” he presses their face into his chest, “we’re having a moment.” They melt into the embrace, wrapping their arms around him. “I really am sorry.” 

A soft sigh warms the skin of his neck as they adjust. “I know. Just make it up to me and we’ll be good.” 

“What if I buy you a Mudkip headscarf to replace your Pac-Man kippah?” 

A beat. “That’s a good start.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there’s apparently this big thing the TwoRiver Theater is gonna drop on the Be More Chill fandom on Tuesday. If it’s that Michael is gay I’ll edit this chapter accordingly but if he’s not officially gay then I’ll take creative liberty. I’ll keep y’all updated. 
> 
> **UPDATE:** So, the big news was a gofundme page created by the TwoRiver Theater to help Joe Iconis/Tracz with another musical they’re creating. If you donate you can receive BMC merchandise which is cool? But anyways, I’ll be continuing with what I planned for this work. Hope y’all have a great day.


	6. A Guy That We’d Kinda Be Into: A Clear Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You, Jeremiah “Miah” Heere, are challenged by Pokémon Trainer Jake!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally an intermission but I wanted to keep the color theme I had going with my chapter titles but I also wanted to include the song title, too, so here’s this monstrosity. Enjoy. 
> 
> **P.S.:** Miah doesn’t mind being called Jeremy or Jeremiah because she experiences more gender euphoria than gender dysphoria. And there’s the fact that the meaning of her name holds a lot of significance for her (Jake mentions it in this chapter so heads up).

\-- candyViper [CV] began pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 06:30 --

CV: good morning miah    
CV: r u still sick    
JH: Yeah, I am.    
JH: Why do you ask?    
CV: bc if ur staying home then i wanted 2 ask a favor of u    
JH: Shoot.    
CV: jakey is sick n hes in no condition 2 go 2 school    
CV: he can barely be in my car rn wo looking like hes about 2 bounce    
CV: can he crash at ur place during the day until i can pick him up later    
JH: I mean, that’s fine?    
JH: I don’t mind. It’s just Jake.    
JH: Although, if you don’t mind me asking, why can’t he just stay at your house?    
CV: he can barely breathe rn n id feel way better leaving him w another person at the v least    
JH: Oh, my G-d.    
JH: Shouldn’t he be brought to a hospital?    
CV: yeah u see    
CV: jakey doesnt have this thing called    
CV: uh    
CV: fuckinggg    
CV: health insurance    
CV: n is surviving off of medium wage    
CV: so id love 2 take him    
CV: believe u me    
CV: but i dont wanna put him in the foster care system bc the feds found out he doesnt have adults _or_ adults w health insurance    
CV: + hes always this bad sick    
JH: Jesus.    
JH: What even happened to him?    
CV: i love jake but hes a dumbass    
CV: he n smoke dont get on great    
CV: n he was w michael n michael was like    
CV: ‘u mind if i smoke’    
CV: n jakey was all like    
CV: ‘nah’    
CV: like    
CV: wtf the fuck P!JD    
JH: Let Homestuck die.    
CV: were literally on a server that looks like a pesterlog shuddup miah    
CV: anyways    
CV: jake started sneezing as soon as michael started smoking but didnt bother leaving which just made shit worse    
CV: so i picked him up today so he could get 2 school #ontime    
CV: n he was the mess he is rn    
JH: Okay. Wow.    
JH: I’ll try to take care of him the best I can.    
CV: dont strain urself    
CV: just make sure hes breathing good n not overstimulated n he shouldnt have a meltdown    
JH: Anything I should keep in mind?    
CV: no eggs    
CV: at all    
CV: or cinnamon    
CV: oh    
CV: n coconut    
CV: actually    
CV: u know what    
CV: just avoid food altogether around him    
CV: but especially fruits n poultry    
CV: oh but if u have tangerine slices he fucking loves those    
CV: if anything hell eat that    
CV: also    
CV: fair warning    
CV: u might lose him    
JH: What?    
CV: yeah he uh    
CV: tends 2 make a fucking nest in a closet or lay down on the floor of the biggest room    
CV: dont question it it makes him feel better    
CV: n u should probably prepare urself 4 a half naked jake wherever u find him    
CV: clothes r bad    
JH: That’s relatable.    
JH: I’ll keep all this in mind and I’ll try my best.    
CV: ur the real mvp miah thanks    
CV: i really appreciate this    
CV: ill make it up 2 u    
JH: You don’t have to. I just    
JH: You really care about him, don’t you?    
CV: ...   
CV: i wasnt always there for him before    
CV: i kinda didnt care whether or not he was sick alone or had a meltdown    
CV: i couldnt be bothered n honestly it makes me wanna punch P!CV    
CV: rn i wanna be his friend first n foremost    
CV: sorry    
CV: i should probs stop talking n bring him over    
CV: ill be there soon    
JH: Okay.    
JH: Oh, and Chloe?    
CV: yeah    
JH: You’re becoming a great friend.    
CV: ...   
CV: thanks miah    


\-- candyViper [CV] stopped pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 07:00 --

...

Miah quickly finds out that all those things Chloe mentioned about Jake—the food, the tangerines, the nudity—they’re all true. She offers him a fruit cup and, despite the glazed look in his eyes, he accepts it with glee rolling off of him in waves. He eats each tangerine slice individually, bouncing in his seat as he does so. Then, all of a sudden, the living room becomes his domain. She only turns around for a minute to throw away his trash but when she comes back he’s in his boxers, undershirt, and socks, splayed out on the floor. His hands clench around a green sweater that might very well be the ugliest thing Miah has seen. It covers his abdomen, shifting as he kicks his legs. He’s wearing headphones that she’s sure belong to Chloe. As she passes him to sit on the couch she can hear him muttering something indiscernible, breath a tinny noise. 

His breathing is really the one thing that concerns Miah. It rattles on the exhale, a whistle on the inhale. Jake winces every time he takes a particularly deep breath which is every other minute. He sounds like a stepped on rooster if she’s being honest. 

Then there are these moments, occurring in ten minute intervals, where he can’t seem to breathe. His chest expands and contracts an awful lot in rapid succession. She’s absolutely sure that this is the reason Chloe was so concerned. As she sits next to him, running a hand through his hair, she can do little to help. It’ll pass, though, but it’s still terrifying. Not to mention it looks painful on Jake’s part. Tears spring up in the corners of his eyes after an especially bad fit. His watery gaze meets hers and she can’t help but pity him. 

“Don’t leave this time.” It comes out slow, the words sparse with deep breaths in between. 

“Okay.” 

...

“You look like a Quincy,” Jake tells her. 

“Do I?” 

“Yeah.” He stares at the space next to her head. There’s silence for another five minutes before he speaks again. “Like from the Little Einsteins? I dunno.” She hums. “Maybe Vic? No, no.” He closes his eyes briefly. “You know, Jeremiah means ‘gift of God’? I’m not a big religion person because fuck that but,” he smiles around a shaky breath, “you really are a gift.” 

Miah smiles back at him, a warm feeling in her chest. She attributes it to the cold medicine that’s made them both a bit numb in the brain. “Thanks Jake.” 

He nods, lips pursed in thought. “Joanna means the same thing. Guess you’re a Joanna.” 

...

It’s only later on in the day that Jake actually feels up to doing something other than hacking and eating fruit cups. He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a pink 3DS. “Pokémon battle?” 

She pouts while contemplating the offer. “Pokémon battle.” There’s a brief recess in which she grabs her own console from her room. “You know, Jake,” she starts upon her return, “I feel like we never hang out. Like, just the two of us.” 

“You’re not wrong.” Their games sync up. “Three on three?” 

“Fair enough.” Her team’s pixelated images stare up at her. “I just— I know _nothing_ about you.” 

He nods in agreement, obviously more focused on his own team. There’s a small smile on his face that makes Miah happy just from seeing it. “I don’t even know what your favorite type is.” 

“Oh, it’s a tie between Psychic and Dark but if I’m being honest I’m leaning towards Psychic types.” 

“Really? Never would’ve guessed.” Their battle starts. Jake’s first pokémon, a Torterra, has the word “Tierra” above its health bar. “I like Ground types.” 

The corner of her mouth twitches up as she looks between him and her Mudkip, Koopa. She chooses to switch them out for Naan, her Natu. “Is that right?” 

“Yep.” Tierra hits Naan with an Energy Ball, not dealing much damage. “But I can, uh, appreciate a good Grass type.” 

“So basically all Grass types?” 

“You bet your cute face, Heere.” 

Naan dishes out an Aerial Ace— it’s super effective! You know what else is super effective? Dark type moves on Psychic type pokémon. And, apparently, Tierra knows Crunch. 

“I love all pokémon but there’s something about Ground types. They’re just so—” Jake’s hand clenches around nothing. It might as well be Miah’s heart as another Crunch takes out Naan. Koopa comes back out to Surf. “Great! They’re great! I wish I could hug Tierra. You know what I would give to hug them? Both of my legs.” 

“Jake, both your legs don’t work. I hardly think that’s good bargaining.” 

“But,” he pouts, “they’re _meaty_.” 

The snort is too wet and gross considering how sick Miah is but she doesn’t care. 

“Dude, you probably weigh less than _me_.” 

“ _Meaty_.” 

Tierra is down by a substantial amount but they regain almost half their health through a Giga Drain. 

“Hey. Wanna hear a secret?” 

“Is it you telling me how to take down your Torterra? Because if it is I’m all ears.” 

“You’re silly.” Another Giga Drain and Koopa is nearly finished while Tierra is close to full health again despite an attempt with Hydro Pump. “I’m dating someone.” 

That stops her. She almost misses the third drain that has her putting Tyrone, her Tyrantrum, against Jake’s frankly beefy Torterra. 

“Really? Who is it?” 

His hand holds his cheek as his eyes go honeyed. “Ah, man— I shouldn’t say—” 

“Then don’t say—” 

“But I gotta tell someone! I don’t know who, though. So what better way to strengthen our friendship than to secretly share a secret therefore adding another secret layer of secret to the secret.” A beat. “Secretly.” 

“Spit it out then!” 

“Okay, okay. It’s Jenna.” 

Well. Not what she expected but alright. She does have to admit, the way he says her name is so soft she can _feel_ the way he melts around the words. But she spots something. An uneasiness in his face almost immediately after speaking. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong. I just— I’m stupid.” 

“Come on. Spill. I won’t tell.” 

He fiddles with the buttons of his game. “I like other people. Specifically this one person. It’s a thing. I’m poly—” 

“—amorous. Yeah.” 

“Yeah.” A calmer presence seems to make itself known at that moment. “Yeah, that. So, I like this guy.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

“Well, I guess the only way I can explain it is like— say there’s person you pass in the hall every day and you’ve, like, known about him since seventh grade but you never talked because you always thought he was one thing but then something changes, and _he_ changes. And, suddenly, this guy that I’d _never_ be into is a guy that I’m _totally_ into.” His teeth catch his bottom lip in a manner that’s way too attractive for someone so sick. It’s unfair. “I dunno— is he worth it? Jeremy?” 

Miah has an extreme case of déjà vu. It leaves her dizzy. _‘Is he talking about me?’_ She settles on a shrug to keep him talking. 

“I just— I guess I never really knew him that well. I thought that I had him figured out but obviously not because he’s,” Jake laughs all tinny and breathless, “he’s gone from a guy that I’d _never_ be into, into a guy that I’m _totally_ into. I just can’t make up my mind. Is he worth mentioning to Jenna? Jeremy?” 

Her heart picks up an odd rhythm in her chest. She finds herself nodding so fast she resembles a turkey. “Absolutely!” 

He smiles at her, grateful, ecstatic, nervous. “I don’t know if you know this but I’ve never really related to other people our age. Well, except now that I have you guys. There’s so much shit that I wanna find out.” His face goes from excited to bashful in seconds. It pains her to see him pull back. “Why am I even telling this to you?” His eyes peer at her through his lashes and she suddenly feels closer to Jake than she has in months. He gives her a shy smile that she can barely reciprocate. “I guess I kinda want to. You’re just so easy to talk to. I mean, I could sit with you all day if we can just hang like this—” 

Their pokémon, both of them at once, give a loud sound that scares them into an upright position. They look at each other, minutes of silence breaking as they start dying of laughter. 

“We should get back to our battle. Say hi to Sylvia.” A Sylveon shakes its head on the screen and Miah knows she’s fucked. When she raises her gaze to tell him just that, she finds him closer than before. “I mean, I know that it’s weird but it’s totally true, okay? The guy that I’d kinda be into...” 

She tries to swallow but her throat is too dry. Her shaky fingers click Giga Impact in a foolish attempt to get the battle over with. “The guy that you’d kinda be into—” 

“Yeah.” He chuckles at their repetition. “That guy that I’d kinda be into is…” 

Tyrone faints as soon as the Moonblast hits him. 

“Michael.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I unapologetically used lyrics from _A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into_ for that last chunk of the chapter. Sorry y’all but I’m bad at dialogue unless it’s texts. Also, I hate html at 02:00 because you’ll miss one less than symbol and suddenly half your chat is worthless. The things I do for a specific style. Anyways, hit me up if y’all want more pokémon because hoo boy do I have some headcanons for the SQUIP squad.


	7. WARNING: Red Cherry Chapstick May Stain Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Michael sure does love himself some cherry. Cherry slushies, cherry flavored candy, and, oddly enough, cherry cough drops. That being said, Miah shouldn’t be so surprised that he also owns cherry chapstick. It shouldn’t warm her gut with an all too familiar feeling. But it_ does _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicole’s back. Bet you thought you’d seen the last of her. She has a convo with someone in the chapter so if anyone needs me to explain what she’s saying just let me know. In other news, titles are way too hard and probably only make sense to me so my apologies. Hope y’all laugh at my ineptitude.

Everything is way too numb. It feels as if a bucket of ice water has been dunked over Miah’s head. 

“ _What_?” 

“I like Michael!” A smile is spread so wide across Jake’s face she’s positive his lips will crack. “I’m gonna tell Jenna and then, hopefully, Michael. Thanks for the talk Jeremy. I never would’ve thought this through without you. Like, who cares if he has a crush on Nicole? Maybe he’ll be down—” 

“He has a _what_ on _who_?” 

There’s a knock on the door. She can vaguely hear Chloe’s voice calling out to them. Jake picks up his stuff, wheezing as he tries to speak as fast as he can. “No, seriously, you’re the best. The real MVP. I owe you one. Later!” 

Loud silence fills the room the moment he exits. She can’t bring herself to move from where she’s sat on the floor, a lame expression stamped on. 

“You’re welcome.” 

...

Michael stops by about an hour after school ends. “Miah? Dude? Where you at?” 

“Basement.” 

His feet fall heavy on the stairs. It’s something he’s made a habit of since his best friend is so easily spooked by people showing up out of nowhere. She’s sat on one of the beanbags looking like she’s about to pass out. “Rough day?” 

The sympathetic smile he gives her does little to soothe her stress. “Like you would not believe.” 

He nods before falling onto the same beanbag. His arm wraps around her shoulder to give her a side hug. “It’ll get better, my dude. Just you wait. You’re almost done being sick.” When he doesn’t get a response he peers down at her. “You good? Like, _actually_ good?” 

She turns over, shoving her face in his chest. “Let’s not talk now. Only cuddles.” 

“Ah, man, I’m gonna cuddle the shit outta you.” 

...

She fidgets with the strings of Michael’s hoodie, still hiding her face. “How’s, uh, how’s Nicole?” 

“What brought on that question?” 

“I just, I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich earlier and I remembered how she—” 

“—Ate that entire tub of peanut butter. Man, she puked the entire thing!” Her head shakes with his laughter. It’s calming. “Fuck. That was a shining moment for her. How much did she even _eat_ then?” 

“I’m pretty sure it was four pounds.” 

“ _Jesus_.” His laughter soon stops and, when she raises her head to look at him, he has this affectionate expression that causes a pang in her hollow chest. “Oh, but Nicky is fine. She says she likes all her classes so that’s good.” 

She nearly forgot that she was the one who asked the question in the first place until Michael’s staring at her for far too long, waiting on a response. “Yeah. That’s,” her tongue pokes out to lick her chapped lips, “that’s great to hear. She _is_ paying for them.” 

He hums in agreement. “Wild how smart she is. Fucking skipped a grade and getting a degree in astrophysics.” His eyes go from dreamy to focused quickly. “You need chapstick.” 

“Do I?” 

“Uh huh. It kinda hurts to look at you right now. Sorta like secondhand embarrassment but with pain. Hold on. I got just the thing.” She’s moved around as he takes out a tube of chapstick from his pocket. Her hand is out to grab it but he beats her to the punch. Face burning bright red, she stays completely still as he applies the chapstick for her. “There we go.” 

Miah’s certain she hasn’t taken a single breath during the entire interaction. She feels dazed, like it actually didn’t happen. It has, though. It’s quite obvious from the sweet smell reaching her nose. “Cherry? Really?” 

A grin, haughty, ~~_attractive_~~ unnecessary, grows on his face. He gives her a wink that has her stomach somersaulting. “You never know when someone’s gonna grab you and give you a kiss. Gotta be prepared.” 

She’s going for nonchalance. “Whatever, boy scout.” But her voice cracks at the end. 

...

\-- nicdicPic [NP] began pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 21:47 --

NP: heyyy   
NP: mimi ben a while   
JH: Oh.   
JH: ohhhhhhhh it has   
JH: so long   
JH: 2 long since ive seen ur mug   
NP: haha   
NP: ok   
NP: i just thot abt txtng u   
NP: micky sad u axed abt me   
NP: hows that gon 4 u   
NP: u n micky   
JH: whatre u talking about   
NP: donut act so smart mimi   
NP: i can reed u geysers lick a book   
NP: micky nvr told me butt u 2 r totes goin out   
JH: woooooooow   
JH: really   
JH: is that fucking so   
JH: bc   
JH: last time i checked   
JH: were not dating and michael has a crush on u   
JH: so much 4 reading ppl   
NP: o my cod   
NP: u dong know do u   
JH: know what   
NP: dud   
NP: yeh mickey had a crush on me butt we both newt that wasnt ghana happen   
NP: n it died yrs ago a long wit my will 2 liv   
NP: butt hes got a massive crush on u   
NP: im talkng fanta   
NP: moons of jupiter   
NP: magnum if u will   
JH: i don't like being taunted   
NP: im being for real   
JH: ...  
NP: look   
NP: im taking this so seriously im not typing like a massive asshole   
NP: michael likes you   
NP: i really shouldnt be telling you because this is something michael has to do but if he cant tell that you wont be bothered by the fact then hes dumb and he never will   
NP: hes liked you for a hot fucking minute   
NP: all he talks about is you you you   
NP: its almost enough to drive me bonkers   
NP: but its cute how much hes into you   
NP: so sorry if ive upset you but thats that   
NP: thats all she wrote   
NP: do with it what you will   
NP: and dont worry   
NP: i wont tell him about this convo   


\-- nicdicPic [NP] stopped pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 22:12 --

...

Miah ignores everything. The feeling of self-deprecation after being a jerk to Nicole, all the smells bombarding her no longer sick and congested nose, the tightness around her heart as she uses her spare key on the Mell’s front door, the excitement stuck in her throat that’s begging to be shouted out. She ignores it all in favor of running down the basement stairs. 

Michael’s sitting on a beanbag chair that matches the set at her house. He turns around as she makes an entrance. “Oh, hey. I wasn’t expecting you right now. I’m actually with—” His sentence is cut off as she plops herself down onto his lap, pulling him by the collar of his hoodie into a kiss. It tastes like cherry chapstick and white cheddar popcorn which is an odd combination but she really couldn’t care less at the moment. When she finally pulls back he appears to be dazed. “Woah. What,” he licks his lips, “what _was_ that?” 

She grins at him, a thrill of excitement coursing through her as he shivers. “You _like_ me.” 

“Who told you?” There’s fear in his eyes but it leaves as she kisses him again. 

“Nicole.” 

“ _Nicole_? I’m gonna kill her—” 

“No, you’re not.” She leans into his space, her grin widening. “Because I like _you_ —” 

“What about Chris?” 

“Doesn’t mind that I’m polyamorous.” 

“You’re polyamorous?” 

“I’m kissing you, aren’t I?” 

Michael grins back at her. They’re both practically vibrating with glee. Without much thought, they lean in for another kiss. His hands fall to her waist, hers thread through his hair. There’s joy running through their veins like honey, sickly sweet and heavy. A loud thud has them jumping apart. 

Standing there, cursing to himself as he tries to pick up his bag with crutches under his arms, is Jake. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights before he smiles at them. It’s as if he’s trying to be fine and cool and chill with everything but there’s an uncomfortable feel to it all. 

“Sorry. Tried to sneak out so you lovebirds could, well, you know.” 

“Oh, hey Jake don’t leave—” 

“Dude, it’s fine!” His voice cracks, his sentence rising in pitch at the end. “We’ll hang out some other time.” 

“Okay. But didn’t you wanna tell me something?” 

He pauses. A red tint colors the tips of his ears. His eyes flicker to Miah’s and suddenly her world is crashing down on her. The smile on his face is almost harlequin. “I gained five pounds as of this morning.” 

“Dude that’s great! I’m proud of you.” 

“Yeah,” he drags the word out. He leaves promptly but doesn’t take with him the awful bitterness on Miah’s tongue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify Nicole calls Miah _Mimi_ whenever she addresses her or talks about her. After their conversation, a couple days pass and both Jake and Miah aren’t sick anymore. 
> 
> So this chapter may be a bit of a mess but it’s best I can squeeze out. To make up for it have some of my headcanons for Nicole. 
> 
> **Fun Fact(s):** Her full name is Nicole Phạm and she’s Vietnamese. Nicole was born in 1999 like some of the SQUIP squad but she missed the cut off date so she started school a year earlier than them. Then she skipped a grade (as it was mentioned in the chapter) because she’s incredibly intelligent. She’s in college during the story, dorming with a child prodigy since the place doesn’t wanna put an older student in a dorm with a minor. She’s majoring in astrophysics to become an aerospace engineer. Like, women having STEM majors is underappreciated. Also, she normally types with pretty good punctuation and grammar and complained about the way Michael types so he called her stiff and bet she couldn’t go a year typing so terribly it’s barely comprehensible. She’s very competitive.


	8. The Yellow Fluorescence of a Light Bulb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The parking lot of Middleborough High School definitely needs some sprucing up. Half of its lampposts have to get their bulbs replaced what with students doing_ certain _things under the cover of darkness. Miah’s seen plenty of people stand under the small streams of flickering light. She just never thought that she’d be one of them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this story is all over the place. I’m trying to actually finish a writing project without giving up on it like I normally do so please bear with my terrible writing for a little longer. Also, I’m thinking of posting chapters biweekly from now on just so that I don’t feel bad when my writer’s block gets the better of me.

\-- candyViper [CV] began pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 07:07 --

CV: u    
JH: Me.    
CV: jakey is hiding something n i have no idea what it could be    
CV: i need help figuring it out n ur the 1st person i thought 2 ask    
JH: Should I be flattered?    
CV: v    
JH: Okay.    
JH: Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?    
CV: i could say the same 2 u miah    
CV: but i wont    
CV: i have study hall 1st period which is lowkey bs but who cares    
CV: it makes shit easier rn    
CV: so do u know anything that may have happened    
JH: Like what?    
CV: like did he get embarrassed or stim in public    
CV: but    
JH: But?    
CV: its just    
CV: he wouldnt hide that shit from me    
CV: he usually complains 2 me about that kind of stuff    
CV: maybe something bothered him in the past few days    
JH: Well, all we did was have pokémon battles and take naps while we were sick.    
CV: okay well    
CV: ill try n ask him again tomorrow    
CV: im getting dismissed later so make sure he eats his lunch 4 me pls    
CV: it should be in his backpack    
JH: Alright.    
CV: thanks miah ur the best mvp i owe u 1    


\-- candyViper [CV] stopped pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 07:27 --

...

Nausea prods at the contents of Miah’s stomach by the time lunch rolls around. She decides to go to the bathroom before heading into the cafeteria. As soon as the door closes Jake steps away from the garbage can, dusting his hands off. The image strikes her as odd. Jake _hates_ public restrooms. When he notices her his eyes go comically wide like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. They stand in silence for— no. No, they’re not standing. Jake’s moving. He’s slowly shifting to block her view of the trash. 

“Hey,” he tries. 

She walks past him without a word. Peeking over the edge, she spots a torn sandwich atop the wet paper towels and, sure enough, there’s a small tupperware container on the rim of the sink. It has smears of food on the inside, crumbs dotting the bottom. She grabs his lunchbox and tries to make eye contact but his gaze is to the floor. 

“You gained five pounds.” He nods. “You’re gonna lose them.” A beat. “ _Again_.” 

His mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. “Everything feels bad in my mouth. I feel so fucking nauseous.” 

_‘That makes two of us.’_

She shakes her head. “Jake, you have to eat.” There’s no response. “At least eat a mint or something. Chew gum, it doesn’t matter. But do _something_ to get rid of the nausea and then eat, okay?” 

His hands come up to rub at his face. “Why do you _care_?” 

“Because you’re my friend.” It comes out too cautious. The insincerity of it makes her flinch. 

“Because I’m your friend?” His voice rises in pitch, cracking. He sounds like he’s about to cry. “Or maybe it’s because you feel guilty and wanna get rid of some baggage.” Her breath catches in her throat. “That’s what I thought.” He turns to leave but stops. “Jeremy, I don’t care as long as you’re happy. I’ll get over it. But don’t you _dare_ pity me.” 

She wants to say something. Tell him she’s actually concerned. That she’s sorry she didn’t let _him_ be with Michael instead of her. That _he_ makes her giddy, too. The words fail her as the bathroom door slams shut too quickly. 

...

Play rehearsal doesn’t go much better. Jake is J.D., a fact that tickled laughter out of the SQUIP squad when he first told them. Now it just means he has to pretend to be in love with Miah. Fantastic. 

They’ve gone a bit haphazard in the order that they rehearse the choreography. But when has play rehearsal ever been easy with the SQUIP squad? Mr. Reyes tells them they’re doing _Meant To Be Yours_ without a bat of an eyelash. 

On stage, there isn’t much to it. She actually stays pretty stationary during the entire song, her back pressed against a prop door. Jake’s the one moving on the other side during the beginning. As they reach the crescendo, the door shakes as weight is thrown at it. It shocks her into moving towards the cloth they’ve left on the floor for her to use. 

“Veronica, open the— open the door, please. Veronica, open the door. Veronica, can we not fight anymore, please? Can we not fight anymore? Veronica, sure, you’re scared— I’ve been there. I can set you free! Veronica, don’t make me come in there! I’m gonna count to three! One! Two! Fuck it!” Jake crashes through the door, nearly falling flat on his face. Catching himself, he looks up at Miah who has successfully made a fake noose. Her bangs cover half her face so she’s able to watch as his expression twists into sadness. “Oh, my God... No! Veronica!” His hand reaches out to her, never actually touching her. “Please don’t leave me alone. You were all I could trust. I can’t do this alone.” Their gazes meet and she hasn’t seen him this angry since Halloween night and— wow, definitely not the time. “Still I will if I must—!” 

“Veronica!” The voice of a sophomore who’s only joined drama this year calls out. “I brought you a snack! Veronica?” Jake is gone in an instant. The sophomore drops a dingy wooden tray before screaming. Miah reaches up and pulls loose a piece of the fabric that releases her. That shuts them up. Mr. Reyes calls for a hot pocket break. Jake goes back to avoiding her. 

Rinse. Repeat. 

...

She catches him outside right as he’s about to get into the car with Jenna. “Jake? Can I talk to you for a sec?” 

He just stares at her in response. It’s unnerving, really, how blank his face is. Jenna tugs on his arm. “Jake?” 

Snapping out of whatever trance he was in, he smiles at his girlfriend. “I’ll only be a minute.” She doesn’t look too happy but he leans down to kiss her cheek, soothing her some. He then proceeds to follow Miah a ways away from the cars in the parking lot. His crutches make this annoying squeak with every movement. “What do you want?” She’s surprised to hear there’s no anger in his voice. No. He just sounds tired. 

“I wanted to apologize.” He doesn’t bother to respond, glazed eyes watching a light bulb flicker above them. “I shouldn’t have asked Michael out when I knew you liked him—” 

“And if you didn’t?” 

“What?” 

Jake looks at her and she can’t tell if the shadows under his eyes are from lack of sleep or the lamppost. “And if you didn’t know that I liked him, what would you have done?” The light flickers out. “You see, Jeremy, it doesn’t matter whether or not you knew. Because either way Michael would’ve turned me down. He likes _you_. I mean, I don’t blame him. And I especially don’t blame you. Jeremy, I love you. I love Michael. I want you two to be happy. If that means me being rejected then I will gladly accept that.” 

“So,” she licks her lips, “you would want me to be happy even at your own expense?” 

“ _Especially_ at my own expense.” 

“Why?” 

He pauses to think for the first time since they started talking. Miah strains to see him in the darkness. She can barely make out the upward twitch of his mouth. “‘Cause Jeremy is to Jake as Veronica is to J.D.” 

A beat. 

“You’re… you’re not gonna murder anyone, are you?” 

“Jeez Jere, no! I just,” they both break off into a fit of giggles. It’s nice. Everything doesn’t feel so heavy. “I meant that I’d do anything for you. Maybe not _murder_ but you get the point. Don’t think about it too much.” She nods, trying to make a little sense of what he’s said. “I should probably get going. See you around?” 

His eyebrows raise and he almost looks like the Jake she’s familiar with. Still, there’s something about him, a minute difference, that wasn’t there before. She just can’t put her finger on it. 

“See you around.” 

He nods at her, pauses, and then walks back to Jenna’s car. Her heart clenches, oddly enough, as she watches him leave. She can’t help but want to keep talking if it means he’ll stay. Maybe she could invite him over to her house. Maybe serve him some good bread, lay on her bed doing nothing, maybe sit around, holding hands without having to say anything— 

_‘Oh.’_

The light bulb flickers on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon that Jake has some trouble with food because Jake’s my favorite and I project a lot. I honestly don’t know if I’d classify it as an eating disorder but his friends are Concerned™.


	9. Cinnamon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~Happy late coming out day!~~
> 
>  
> 
> “a sMORCH and miah has added a new boy to the date crew!!! she a snacc” —Succulent Pal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy y'all. Sorry I haven't updated this story in a hot minute. I couldn't for the life of me write something that worked so I kinda went on a hiatus. But here's a new chapter! Enjoy!

\-- candyViper [CV] began pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 06:30 --

CV: good morning miah   
CV: happy coming out day   
JH: Why are you awake at this ung-dly hour? More importantly, why are you waking me up at this ung-dly hour?   
CV: yes miah i slept well thanks 4 asking   
JH: Sorry. That was rude of me.   
JH: My anxious and overthinking ass self didn’t sleep much last night. I’m a bit cranky.   
CV: a bit   
CV: r u ok   
JH: I guess.   
CV: u wanna talk about it   
JH: Not really.   
CV: ok   
CV: well   
CV: im here if u do   
JH: Thanks Chloe.   
CV: no prob miah   
CV: anyways   
CV: im having a sleepover at my house after school 2 celebrate this national holiday   
CV: u coming   
JH: I dunno.   
CV: jenna is bringing kosher stuff if thats what ur worried about   
JH: I’ll consider it.   
CV: if u need more convincing...   
CV: chrissy is coming n i have a closet w ur names on it   
CV: ;)   
JH: You never answered me when I asked why you’re awake right now.   
CV: nice diversion   
CV: also ur awake 2   
JH: You woke me up but go off I guess.   
CV: if u must know   
CV: i brought jake 2 school bc he likes 2 get here early   
CV: weve had this convo before   
CV: dont u remember   
JH: Shit. Yeah, sorry. Forgot.   
CV: hmmm   
JH: No, no hmmm-ing.   
CV: fine   
CV: let me know if u plan on coming tho   
CV: or dont   
CV: i dont care   
CV: just show up   


\-- candyViper [CV] stopped pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 07:00 --

\-- candyViper [CV] began pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 07:01 --

CV: please   


\-- candyViper [CV] stopped pestering jsauceHeere [JH] at 07:02 --

...

An anxiousness thrums in Miah’s veins as she stands in front of Chloe’s house. Everyone’s going to be inside. Michael, Rich, Jenna, Brooke, Chloe, _Jake_ — 

Christine knocks her out of her reverie by pressing a hand against the small of her back, bypassing her cardigan and causing blood to rush to her cheeks. A breath stutters past her lips in her moment of embarrassment. “Lemme just,” Christine mumbles as she rings the doorbell. 

Chloe almost immediately pops up in front of them. A wide grin blinds them, albeit a bit wobbly. “Glad to see you two. Come on in. Don’t be shy.” She steps aside. “On tonight’s menu is grape juice, its alcoholic counterpart, and an assortment of chips. Mandatory attire is pajamas which are so conveniently provided. So go upstairs and change.” 

On the way upstairs Miah spots Rich in an old-fashioned nightgown, muttering about something while sipping out of a wine glass. She can’t tell if it’s grape juice or not. Michael is comforting him, sporting a much more appropriate bear onesie. When they reach Chloe’s room they walk in on Jenna and Jake who are close together. Miah wants to warn them that Christine is going to see but her girlfriend just coughs and makes them jump at least four feet apart. Jenna’s wearing a red slip and matching robe which she closes over herself. Jake has on a Hello Kitty tracksuit (you know, those ones you can rip off in an instant). Fashion. 

Jenna’s face is flushed dark as her eyes flicker between the squad’s stage dorks. “Um, thanks for helping me, Jake.” 

His eyebrows furrow some. “But I—” 

She’s quick to push him out the door. “Let’s give Jeremy and Chris some privacy, mkay?” 

The door slams shut, leaving the two of them alone. Christine picks up bags reminiscent of what you’d find in a dry cleaners. Each one is labeled with their names but it doesn’t matter anyways. They’re the only one’s left who haven’t changed. It’s a no-brainer. They face away from the other to slip into their designated outfits. Miah makes jerky movements to take off her clothes as quickly as possible. Anxiety, impossible scenarios, cause her heart to practically beat out of her chest. A hand cups her elbow, stopping her. 

“Slowly, cupcake,” Christine whispers. Although her voice is quiet it still rings in the silence of the bedroom. “You’ll pull a muscle moving like that. Can I turn you around?” Miah finds herself nodding dumbly like a bobblehead. She doubts it’s attractive but Christine mentions nothing. They face each other. Miah’s blush is just as fierce as Jenna’s was. Her girlfriend smiles up at her before pulling her shirt off for her. “Take your pants off, cupcake? I’ll get your pajamas.” 

She nods again. A brief thought flickers in her mind that she should feel useless in this moment, pathetic, vulnerable, but there’s only a warmth in her veins. Jeans come off and are folded neatly. 

“Chris—” 

“Arms up, cupcake.” 

She listens. Smooth fabric slides against her skin until straps catch on her shoulders. “Perfect.” Then an affectionate kiss is pressed against the base of her neck. Christine turns her around, leaning up to kiss her lips like she’d been waiting to do just that. They stay like that for what feels like forever even though she _knows_ that it’s only several seconds. There’s something about the feeling of their lips pressed together that makes time slow down. 

But, soon enough, Christine pulls away and Miah can finally see her girlfriend’s outfit. Biting her lip, Miah snorts. “Babe, what is your—” 

“What? You like it? I look sexy, right?” Christine grins, spreading her arms to show off her chicken onesie. 

Miah shakes her head in disbelief. “Why a chicken—?” 

“Duck!” 

“What?” 

“It’s a duck,” Christine tells her. “Ducks are _way_ sexier—” 

“Please stop calling ducks sexy.” Miah holds back her laughter. She can’t encourage her teasing girlfriend. 

Christine’s eyebrows quirk, rising in a suggestive manner. “I give the people what they want.” 

“How kind.” 

“I know, right?” 

There’s a knock on the door. Michael steps in with a hand held over his eyes which would’ve been a chivalrous act except he was clearly peeking through his fingers. As soon as he sees that they’re dressed he drops his hand and mimics Christine’s grin. He points at her onesie. “Same hat!” 

“Same hat!” 

They high-five dramatically. It sparks laughter in Miah. That, however, brings their attention to her. Michael and Christine share a silent conversation before capturing their girlfriend in a hug. Miah can barely contain the giggles as her dates kiss her from the shoulders up. She tries to push their faces away. 

“You goofs! Stop—!” 

With a squeal she drops. Michael had started tickling her. Christine isn’t too far behind. Then the door opens. The three of them freeze. Miah’s face is red, chest heaving, hair tousled. Dread weighs her down when she realizes how this must look. Her beneath two people, flustered and out of breath, silk slip slipping from her shoulders. To make matters worse Jake is the one standing there. 

Oddly enough, though, Jake seems amused. He snorts which _shouldn’t_ make Miah’s breath catch on the intake. He cocks his head, curly hair catching the nice lighting Chloe filled her room with. Miah’s suddenly reminded that Jake was popular before the squipcident and for good reason. 

“Jeez,” he starts, snickering. “If I knew you three were gonna fuck in Chloe’s room I would’ve given you some supplies.” 

Miah scrambles to stand but her socks make her slip during every other attempt. Strong arms lift her up in one go. Jake pats her shoulders. It’s friendly. He just meant it to be a nice gesture. Still, it gives rise to a blush she thought had died down a bit. 

She goes to thank him. “We weren’t fucking!” Horror must be apparent because Jake shrugs. 

“Okay. Chloe sent me to get y’all.” 

Somewhere behind her Christine whispers “y’all” in a humorous tone. Michael and her are probably sharing funny looks at Miah’s awkwardness. Of course, they know about Miah’s new crush on the popular kid. She sends them a glare but it does zip to deter her dates. 

_‘Tonight is gonna be long,’_ she thinks. As Jake offers his arm to her she tacks on, _‘way too long.’_

...

The squad is sat in a circle on the floor. Cushions and bean bags are scattered everywhere. Jake releases Miah’s arm to sit between Jenna’s legs, his back resting against her chest. Jenna sighs contentedly. Her hand sticks into the front of his hair, fingers clenching and unclenching. It must be soothing because Jake’s eyes flutter shut. Rich lays, strewn across three couch cushions, grumbling as he lifts his hips to move around the fabric beneath him. Michael rushes past Miah to sit next to him. She’s surprised to say the least but it’s nothing compared to Jake. He had apparently opened his eyes and was watching the exchange. It physically hurts to see his expression morphs from sadness to forlorn happiness. 

After what had happened last week in the parking lot Miah has been thinking about Jake. A lot. An excessive amount really. But she just doesn’t get it. Jake, despite his social ineptitude, seems to experience emotions on another level from, say, Jenna or Brooke. It’s almost like whatever he feels is more than what everyone else experiences. It explains a lot of his behavior but, if that’s true, then why doesn’t he confront Michael or Miah? That much emotional buildup with no outlet whatsoever must be detrimental to his health yet he does nothing about it. For a moment she wonders how Jake even started dating Jenna if he was this bad at confrontation. Then she remembers how impulsive _she_ was when she told Michael that she liked him and shame fills her. 

“Are you just gonna stand there, babe?” Michael asks. 

Miah snaps out of her trance to see that everyone is watching her. Her feet shuffle forward to the spot in between Christine and Chloe, across from Jenna. Chloe gives her a reassuring smile before sitting up straight. 

“Alright folks,” she says, excitement evident in her tone. “We’ve got some awesome games for tonight. I was kinda going for a 90s horror movie slumber party so my bet is on Jake for dying first. Because, you know, if you dick down, your dick goes down and—” 

Jake snickers. Chloe’s smile turns relaxed, relieved. “Ah hell yeah. ‘M getting dicked down tonight.” Everyone laughs. Jenna blushes and smacks his shoulder. He gives her a kiss on the cheek. 

Chloe clears her throat. “But yeah. We’ll play seven minutes in heaven—” 

“A classic,” Rich comments. 

“Maybe two truths, one lie—” 

“I joined the mile high club,” Michael interrupts. It’s clearly a lie. 

“Y’all need to stop interrupting me or I will—” 

“Y’all.” Jake, ironically enough, is the one to say it. Chloe throws the Lay’s chips at him. He presses his hand against his chest in an offended gesture. “You just yote the chips at me!” 

Jenna grabs them. “Did you just say yeet in the past tense?” 

“We’re getting off topic! Where was I?” 

“You were admitting your undying love for me,” Brooke tries, a blush making her brown skin darker. 

Chloe flushes but her skin is light enough that her cheeks actually turn pink. “And, um, uh, anyone—yes, that’s where I was—anyone who wants to come out can at any point in the night.” She coughs into her fist. “Like now, for instance. I can say I’m a trans lesbian.” 

_Lesbian._ Miah isn’t sure why it shocks her so much. She knew Chloe was trans but she never made the connection that the girl was interested in, well, girls. Before she can think of a response Jake cracks a grin. 

“I thought you were American.” 

There’s silence for a solid minute before Chloe makes a choking sound. 

“Jake! How dare you do this to me in my own home!” 

Although she’s screaming in a shrill voice giggles bubble up. Soon everyone joins her, gripping their sides and leaning on each other. 

_‘Maybe tonight isn’t gonna be that bad,’_ Miah thinks. Her cheeks hurt already. 

...

Jake has a monopoly over the wine. He drinks it out of a dino-themed slushie cup with two straws. Miah hasn’t the slightest idea of how much he’s had. It comes his turn during two truths, one lie. 

“Okay. Lemme think,” he mutters. His weight is pressed against Jenna. “Um, I owned a dog called Achilles when I lived in California, I’m dating Jenna, and I’m a trans guy.” 

The group contemplates the options but Miah already knows the answer. “Your parents never let you have a dog,” she finds herself saying without thinking. 

Jake looks shocked at her speedy response. As he settles a frown worms onto his face. The dino head tilts towards him as his eyes droop forlornly. “They were assholes. Achilles is a great name for a dog.” Jenna coos at him, kissing his cheek which lifts his spirits some. 

“I’m gendervoid,” Jenna follows up. “Sie like s-i-e.” She—Miah shakes her head—Jenna shifts hir weight forward. It’s undoubtedly an intimidation factor. “Is that problem?” Miah doesn’t miss how hir arm hugs Jake closer to hir chest. 

“Of course there isn’t.” Christine smiles, easy, laidback. 

Miah nods in agreement. “Yeah, I mean. I’m a trans girl and bi so—” 

“Bi bood,” Rich exclaims. His cheeks puff out from the chips, muffling his voice. “‘M bi, bi, bi until the day I die.” 

“Same.” Her anxiety settles some. It’s as if a weight has been taken off her chest and she can laugh without hesitation. 

“So…” Brooke looks around the living room. Her tongue darts out briefly to lick her lips like she’s dying of thirst. “Can we _please_ appease my pan ass ‘n’ play seven minutes in heaven?” 

Jake’s hand shoots up. “Girl, me too.” He turns his head to look at Jenna. Sie just shakes hir head with a smile. 

“Let’s do this, you horndogs.” 

...

Miah has only ever played this one time in her entire middle/high school experience. That was at Jake’s house. (At least, when he actually had one.) She was stuck in the closet with the jock which the others found hilarious. Her anxiety had overwhelmed her and she was ready to slam her way out of the tiny closet. 

Then Jake had grabbed her hand so tenderly it confused her. Through the darkness she could barely make out his face. His eyebrows were drawn up, the corners of his lips twitched down like he was upset. “Where are you going?” he asked. 

“You don’t wanna kiss a guy.” 

He didn’t move for several seconds before remembering they had a time limit. He shrugged. “I’ve had worse. Plus, you’re cute so what does it matter?” 

Miah spluttered, confused. She never thought she’d be propositioned by _the_ Jake Dillinger. Stories about what he did spread like wildfire. Many went along the lines of _“he’s a giver, ladies”_ while girls giggled and chattered excitedly. She might have heard one, maybe two guys (geeks and nobodies like her) mutter something that followed that verdict, too. For the longest time she had thought that they were lying because it was Jake. The most popular dude in school who hopped from person to person as fast as he would extracurriculars. 

But, now in the absence of light, he seemed to emit an air of calm. A warmth like tilled earth in the summer. He cocked his head to one side. It reminded Miah of a puppy asking for a treat. 

“I won’t, like, force you to do anything. You know that, right?” 

The sincerity of his words surprised her. She hadn’t been expecting him to say that. Like it actually mattered to him whether she consented or not. 

He sat down. _Tap. Tap._ Miah took the spot next to him. 

“What’s your name?” he tried. 

“Jeremy.” 

“That’s a nice name. Three syllables.” She had no idea what that had to do with her name being good but Jake said it with such certainty she didn’t bother to say anything. “Mine’s Jake.” 

“I know.” 

Oddly enough that made him laugh. His shoulder bumped hers, staying there. “Makes sense.” He wrapped an arm around her. Her body pressed against his. He radiated heat but his hand was cold where it rested on her elbow. His fingers drummed a rhythm. “Uh, you like… dogs?” Even though it was a question he didn’t wait for her to respond. “I always wanted a dog but my parents never let me. Could’ve named it Achilles so I could be like, ‘Achilles, heel!’” 

Miah snorted. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth. Even in the dark she could feel Jake’s wide eyes on her. 

A second passed, maybe two, but Jake leaned into her space. “I like your laugh. It’s cute.” His breath fanned over her face which should’ve grossed her out. It didn’t, though. “ _You’re_ cute,” he added earnestly. 

She tried to respond, to say something coherent, only to be interrupted by the doorknob jiggling as their seven minutes ended. 

...

Now, on October 11, 2017, Miah is out of the metaphorical closet just to get stuck in the literal one. Jake stands between her and the door. Light filters through the wooden slats, creating a funky-looking halo around his head. 

“You’re a girl.” 

“I’m a girl. I like being called Miah but Jeremy is fine, too.” 

“Miah’s a nice name.” 

“Thanks.” It goes awkwardly silent. The tension between them is too stifling. Miah just wants things to smooth over but she knows it can’t be that easy. She _likes_ Jake. “I wish you kissed me,” she starts. “The first time we were in a closet together. Do you remember that?” 

Jake chuckles, airy and aloof. “Whenever I hear you laugh. It takes me back to that night.” He moves to the wall so he can sit. He legs give an audible crack before he sighs in relief. _Tap. Tap._ Miah follows suit. It takes all her willpower not to yield when Jake splutters. “What’re you doing?” 

She shifts in her seat. Jake’s thighs aren’t as soft as she would like. It’ll do, though. “Sitting. Does it hurt?” He says something that sounds like he’s choking but Miah figures from his shaking head that this is fine. Her hand comes up, grazing the shaved sides of his hair. It’s prickly like a cactus. “I like you.” His intake is sharp. “Do you like me?” He nods. Miah clicks her tongue. She leans forward so their noses brush. Her heart hammers in her ribcage. For a brief moment, she panics, worried that she’s mistaken about Jake’s feelings. The thought that her hands might be sweaty nauseates her. Still, she needs to know so she steels herself. “You’re gonna have to speak up.” 

Jake’s hands twitch against her legs. Fingernails scratch lightly at her skin. She doesn’t mind. A minute passes but Miah can be patient. The intimacy of the situation soothes her anxiety some. Then, Jake’s shaking but he says it. “I like you.” It’s a whisper, soft and hesitant. 

Miah’s heartbeat speeds up and when she asks for a kiss Jake simply makes a pitiful sound that would have her laughing in any other situation. But right now it drives her to press their lips together. Just like that, tension from months passed melts away under the taste of cinnamon gum and wine. 


End file.
